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◆ FIXTURE NEWS: Saturday's match postponed (wind). ◆ And next Saturday's. ◆ Corner flags found in Shropshire. ◆ Keeper's goal kick still airborne. ◆

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SHAP WANDERERS F.C. Founded 1921 · Last completed match: 1987

MATCH REPORT: SHAP WANDERERS 0–0 ORTON ROVERS (ABANDONED)
By our Sports Desk (reporting from the car)

Saturday's eagerly-awaited derby was abandoned after 4 minutes when the referee blew for kick-off and the whistle, the ball, and two defenders were carried off towards Penrith. The match is the 412th consecutive Shap Wanderers fixture to be postponed due to wind, a record the club describes as "a proud tradition."

"We had a great chance early on," said manager Geoff Strickland, 58, "but the striker took a shot and it came back and hit him. That's Shap, that is. You learn to shoot at an angle."

SHAP & DISTRICT LEAGUE TABLE
TEAM	PLAYED	NOTES
Orton Rovers	3	They have a sheltered pitch
Tebay Athletic	2	Sometimes drive past
Kendal Town	2	Posh, have a roof
Shap Wanderers	0	Wind

OTHER SHAP SPORTS

⚽ FELL RUNNING Popular, as it's the only way to get anywhere when the bus is cancelled. Tuesday's run was won by the wind, by a distance.	🎯 DARTS (INDOOR, THANK GOD) The only sport with a perfect attendance record. Held nightly at The Greyhound. Reigning champion: Derek. It's always Derek.
🎣 SHEEP WATCHING Technically not a sport, but there's a league table and Brian takes it very seriously. Current leader: a sheep.	🤸 KITE FLYING Banned. Three were lost last spring, along with the child holding one. (He's fine. He's in Carlisle.)

NEXT FIXTURE: Shap Wanderers vs. Anyone, Saturday, 3pm (postponed)

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